By HARBANS SINGH KANDOLA, President of VIRSA, Sikh Alliance Against Youth Violence
Source: The Indo Canadian Voice Online

Lack of parental time and skills

Every expert in the field of parenting tells us that it is the primary responsibility of the parents to guide and discipline their children. They also confirm that this responsibility is the most difficult particularly for immigrant parents. Unfortunately, success in Punjabi and western culture is measured by wealth, status, and power. While most parents have parenting skills and time to guide their kids in the right direction, however, many others lack both. Their major focus is on accumulation of wealth, while kids are neglected. These parents believe that by working longer hours they are fulfilling their parental responsibility. What they need to understand is that what their kids need most is parental time, love, affection, support, and guidance.

Cultural conflict

Parents are the product of Punjabi culture, and their children are the products of western culture. These two value systems and beliefs are different. During my youth, I never questioned my parents. When parents force their value system and beliefs on children of western culture, it results in a communication breakdown. Disconnection pushes the children to an undesirable path or behaviour. Parents must understand the needs of their children growing in two cultures.

Power status and control

Bindi Johal was idolized by many young Punjabi boys because of his power, money, and status. So far all the murders that have occurred in the Indo-Canadian community may have been over power, status, money and control.

Recently a respectable senior member of our community told me that he asked a young man why many of our boys are involved in drug trafficking. His answer was that he only makes $75K during the year working as a truck driver, while he can make $100K in one trip.

Another father told me that his 18-year-old son believes that the people who own big businesses and houses have made the money through drug trafficking. This is the scary mentality of our youth that should concern us the most.

Gender inequality

Our research shows that many young boys killed in gang violence were either the only son or the first son in the family. Parents give boys everything they want such as expensive cars, permission to come home late and other special treatment, while girls are restricted and treated differently. This is leading to many of our girls rebelling against the system and at the same time spoiling our boys.

Authoritarian parental style

The common complaint of our young boys and girls is that their parents do not listen to them. Some describe their communication with their parents as talking to a brick wall. This results in total communication breakdown. Children growing in western culture do not take orders, they ask for logical discussion and logical answers, rather then decisions being forced on them.

Domestic issues

Parents need to have model behaviour for their kids. Violence in the family, a father who drinks, and arguments between the parents in front of the children are very poor examples for a good role model to set. This destroys children’s self-esteem and self- confidence.

Lack of availability of services

Services needed to address the challenges faced by our youth and families that is culturally sensitive and delivered in the Punjabi language are simply not available. Services, including parenting program, family counselling, youth outreach workers or family crisis help line should be made available. There are services available in other areas, but not when it comes to addressing youth violence.

Parents’ non-participation in school system

Parents need to understand that teachers in India were responsible for teaching life skills and discipline, while teachers in Canada have no such mandate. Parental involvement in the school system is critical to know if their kid is having language, discipline, bullying, and academic challenges in the school. Many times children do not tell their problems to their parents.

Families do not seek help when needed

All communities face challenges disciplining their kid and dealing with other family disputes. The shame of what others will say and think keep them from seeking help. Families should get help before the problem becomes serious. Unfortunately this kind of help is not available for our community at this time

Lack of higher education

Education is the key for higher self-esteem and success in life. Contrary to our perception, less than 15 percent of Indo-Canadian boys go for university education compared to 46% of Chinese kids. During the recent graduation at UBC, a very small percentage were Indo-Canadian boys.

Peer pressure

From a young age there is nothing an adolescent wants more than to fit in with his peers. This we call peer orientation. When children go to high school they face tremendous pressure from groups of kids with undesirable behaviour to be like them. Children who lack self-esteem and healthy relationships with their parents fall prey to peer pressures. Any communications breakdown between parents and children results in children making wrong choices and joining the wrong crowd.

Alienation of youth from out heritage

Pride and self-esteem come from knowing who you are, living your life according to spiritual guiding principles and knowing what our heritage is and what sacrifices our ancestors had to make for us to live in a free world. Our youth has very little idea who they are. We need to teach them our spiritual values and our heritage. I know that is a very daunting task.